Brain Dump…I Guess?

Hey hey, it’s MJ,

            This last week has been a lot and I am completely empty with ideas so I really don’t know what this blog post is going to contain. I really don’t, and for me that’s kind of odd, I like to know what I am going to be writing about at least a little bit before I am writing it. Here I am though, just typing away at a few sentences hoping that inspiration strikes me. 

            At one point I was going to do a series called ‘Self-Care Sunday’ when I first started the blog in 2018 but I never did because it never felt authentic. I felt like I was just going to be rehashing what everyone else was saying at the time. Then the pandemic happened and we all had to learn to take care of ourselves in a different way because we were all in some way locked down. I know that I have been feeling burnt out for months now but you can’t just stop, even when some days you just want to. 

            I have found myself organizing and reorganizing my life this last year or so and I think that’s just to stave off the feelings of overwhelming existential dread. I think that’s more what this post is going to be, just a dump of my brain at the moment and sometimes you just need that. 

            I don’t share a lot about my life, I have an about me post, but that’s about it. I am a really private person and always have been. I don’t open up unless someone proves to me I can trust them and unfortunately in my past there are plenty of examples of people who I trusted, got all of my information, all of my worries and my past, and proceeded to use it against me later. So I don’t open up as easy anymore to new people; which somedays is fine and somedays it’s super lonely. 

            I don’t even know if I will actually publish this, I just feel like I need to get something out today because I promised myself that I would get two posts out a week, but my brain is both moving at a million miles an hour but also making the dial up noise like we are trying to get on the internet in the 90’s and early 2000’s. If you have never heard that noise, lucky you, Google it and you will hear what we did for like 10-15 minutes trying to get on the internet. That stuff used to not be instant like it is now, God Bless Wi-Fi. I am a child of the 90’s, I was in fourth grade when the world stopped on 9/11, I graduated from high school in 2010; which doesn’t feel like long ago but they cancelled our ten year reunion last year because o COVID. Would I have gone? No, I didn’t enjoy high school. It was probably the darkest time of my life and I don’t look back on it fondly like some of my peers do. 

            This post doesn’t have a point, so if you want to, stop reading now and go on with your day because I don’t have anything profound to tell you. I don’t even have a thought in my head that’s worth really sharing, but I’m sitting here typing this out anyway. We have a local bakery here in Bentonville, well it’s in Centerton, called the Challalujah Bakery and they make amazing Challah bread and I am eating a pineapple scone from them at the moment and it’s bomb. So good. 

            If you really want to know how disjointed my thoughts are right now at this very moment I was just thinking about all the writing I need to get done and that fact that I wanted to finish my last two unfinished projects that I didn’t get to last year and I haven’t written much in either of them in months. In the last, we’ll say year, I have come up with five or six new projects that I am tossing around in my head all the time. I also have sequels and series to finish as well so in total I am, or will be, juggling like a dozen projects because I have so many ideas but not enough plot or time to write all of them at the moment. Some of them will just stay half on paper and half in my head for a while until I actually get an idea and that sparks me to finish the novel in a few months’ time. (Also my Word grammar corrected that and it gave me two options, I picked the wrong one; if you know which one it is why give me two options?) The last book I finished last year is a good example of that, I have something like 37 pages when I started writing it again (I started it in 2017 and pieced it until last year) and I wrote the other 110 pages in a few months because I got inspired and I could not stop writing it. I think I wrote like 25 pages in 11 days which for me is a really good page count. 

            More on writing, I guess, because that’s now what I feel like writing about. (ha ha, I know) My laptop is almost five years old, in late June it will be and it’s showing its age. I have already had my keyboard replaced once and I am out of warranty so the keys are starting to lose their letters, my tab key hasn’t been working right recently, and my battery is on its last legs, but I cannot get a rose gold MacBook anymore so there’s that. I don’t see it being able to be replaced any time soon, so I have to be nice to it until I can eventually get a new computer. 

            I think I need to stop now, I am rounding out on 1,000 words which is a lot. It’s like 7:15 in the morning and I have things that I need to do and that means that I need to step away from my laptop and go be a person for the day.

            I will be back mid-week with hopefully a much more profound and stitched together post, who knows with me though. 

            Until then though, stay happy, healthy, and safe.

            -MJ 

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